Once upon a time there was a little girl whom looked around her kitchen cupboards to find some food. There was very little since her parents both lost their jobs recently. She called her neighbors and said, “If we plant a garden, together we shall have food to eat all year round. Who will help me plant the garden?”
“Not I” said the first neighbor. “I am too busy calling on my unemployment benefits.”
“Not I” said the second neighbor. “I am too busy listening to the AIG retention bonus soap opera. I think I am going to hop a bus to tour the mansions of these unpatriotic Americans.”
“Not I” said the third neighbor. “I am too busy waiting for the phone to ring. I know the government will provide for me. Why should I bother getting my own hands dirty?”
“Not I” said the fourth neighbor. “I am too busy being a minority and blaming others for my lack of food.”
“Then I will,” said the little girl. And she did. The garden grew healthy. It was full of beans, tomatoes, corn, potatoes, and asparagus. “Who will help me pick my garden harvest?” asked the little girl.
“Not I,” said the first neighbor. “I’d lose my seniority in the union. Then we may have to continue secret ballots. I can’t allow that to happen.”
“Not I,” said the second neighbor. “I would lose my social security benefits.”
“Not I,” said the third neighbor. “I am waiting for my gas and my mortgage check from Obama to come in the mail. It must be delayed since the post office had to shut down our small town office earlier this month.”
“Not I,” said the fourth neighbor. “I think you and the bankers will ruin our country.”
“Then I will,” said the little girl, and she did.
“It came time to can the vegetables. “Who will help me can the vegetables for winter consumption?” Asked the little girl.
“Not I,” said the first neighbor. “Let someone else do that demeaning work.”
“Not I,” said the second neighbor. “I never learned how and I am not going to start now.”
“Not I,” said the third neighbor. “I am going to be busy filing a suit with the EEOC because you don’t have the proper quota of diverse workers to assist. That is discrimination.”
“Not I,” said the fourth neighbor. “I don’t work overtime.”
“Then I will,” said the little girl. She canned all the vegetables and displayed them out front of her house for all the neighbors to see.
They all wanted some and demanded a share. But the little girl said, “No, I can eat all these vegetables myself over the winter.”
“Retention bonus at AIG and now this,” cried the first neighbor. “We must have congress tax her and redistribute the vegetables.”
“Capitalist! How dare you flaunt all that you worked hard to achieve,” yelled the second neighbor.
“I demand equal treatment and equal rights” yelled the third neighbor. “You have too many green vegetables. Why didn’t you plant more red ones? Are you green biased?”
The fourth neighbor just shook her head and disappeared into her house that she bought with an adjustable rate mortgage. The foreclosure happened last week but no one has removed her because they can’t afford to do so.
The four neighbors decided to ban together and picket the little girl. They offered bus rides from the inner city out to the little girl’s house. They wanted all the “poor” to see what capitalism has done to their little neighborhood. The little girl even received death threats from all parts of town.
When the government agent heard about the garden, he said to the little girl,
“You are acting unpatriotic in not sharing your fair share of the vegetables.”
“But I worked hard and earned the vegetables,” said the little girl.
“We know you did,” said the government agent. “That is the wonderful free enterprise system at work. Anyone in America can grow as many vegetables as they want. But under our new government rule, the productive gardener who cans more than 250,000 vegetables jars must divide their gains with those who cannot garden for themselves.”
And they lived happily ever after, including the little girl, who smiled and waved to her neighbors every day.
TO THE LITTLE GIRL’S AMAZEMENT, HER NEIGHBORS WONDERED WHY SHE NEVER GREW ANOTHER GARDEN AGAIN.